Comments on: RWP # 48: A Pin Worked Loose (collaborative)

By: Nathan

Nathan — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:28:12 +0000

I tried to imagine this in the first person and I think you made a good choice with your revision. The imagery is wonderfully surreal. Stanza 3, with its mention of Lorca, brings the whole poem into focus for me.

By: Lisa G.

Lisa G. — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:36:04 +0000

Reading this was like opening a present. What a wonderful unfolding. Thank you. And I appreciate what you wrote about your process!

By: Linda Jacobs

Linda Jacobs — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:47:36 +0000

Oh, I really liked this! Especially the lines where the child is born.

By: tom

tom — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:43:13 +0000

Dana-
Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks. I think that’s the right number…

This is template #5 for Fallen Verses, though only template 3 while self-hosted. Template 1 was the pink one, which I liked, but I got bored. template 2 lived for about a week, but Christine pointed out that it was really dark, and, while I liked it, was terrible to edit.

So far I like this one, but I’m not sure about the header- I kinda want to find some image for it, but I don’t know what to do there.

By: Dana

Dana — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:37:55 +0000

“Someone has posted Lorca’s broadsides / believing both duende and Andalusia are omnipresent.”

I like that. I really do.

The ending in also fantastic, that image of the notebook. Nice form, too: the tercets with a final quatrain.

And also, I like your new template. Have you been changing it around a few times? This one is very clean and approachable.

By: tom

tom — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:41:28 +0000

That’s interesting, Annamari. That is not, at all, what was in my mind when I wrote this. But I went back with that interpretation in mind and, yeah, I can see it. =)
That is why I love art so much. At least half of it is in the viewing (or reading, or feeling, etc.) rather than in the making.
And, especially with this prompt, it is so cool to see how all of these different voices are taking the same song and singing it a different way. If I wasn’t at work, I’d be toasting everyone’s blogs! (maybe later)

By: Annamari

Annamari — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:35:31 +0000

Somehow it made me think at one of those cities that were once flourishing and now that the main industry is gone very few stayed behind to continue the cycle of life, but for the ones that stayed life goes on.

By: tom

tom — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:33:46 +0000

Thank you, Rob.

By: rob kistner

rob kistner — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:28:25 +0000

yes, the center certainly holds in this piece — well written, and truly engaging…

By: tom

tom — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:17:33 +0000

Thanks!

Perhaps it is because I just finished Residences on Earth by Neruda, but once I “civil guard” something just kinda clicked between that and Lorca… [shrug] who knows….

And Gautami, I think that whole series is fantastic, and the Genesis of Shannara series is on my list to read (someday) where he bridges that series and Shannara.