RWP # 48: A Pin Worked Loose (collaborative)
Thursday, October 16th @ 12:01 am
| Poem, Poetry, readwritepoem Tags:collaboration, Federico Garcia Lorca, Poem, Poetry, Read Write Poem, tatterdemalion
A Pin Worked Loose
Tatterdemalion slink into depleted villas,
each step chasing memories deeper into
these antiquated courtyards.
Here are artifacts which nobody recognizes.
They remain untouched. Visitors, focused inward,
do not notice them. They tarnish, fade, rust.
Outside, civil guards scream obscenities.
Someone has posted Lorca’s broadsides
believing both duende and Andalusia are omnipresent.
Somewhere else, meditation resurfaces a lost “I.”
In that same place a girl is born. An old woman dies.
Later, the process is repeated. And again. And again.
In an open notebook are words brilliant but forgettable-
tenuously held together scraps called verses.
The page is a pin worked loose- the center holds,
but a breeze carries the frayed edges out of sight.
It seems such a waste to let those words stand alone on this page. Especially when so many of them will be repeated from piece to piece, each a playful rehuffling of context and content.
Tatterdemalion is a word I have only encountered previously in a Terry Brooks novel: Knight of the Word. It was a magic creature, animated by the spirit of a dead child, built of scraps. Similar to its real definition in an essence. Tatters, the ends, fading, decay. I also think it echoes the essence of this excercise. We all started with scraps and are putting them together.
Most of my poetry is written in a first-person perspective. I edited to remove the “I” from this poem. It seemed, to me, the “I” was too strong an identity for the poem to hold. The “I” was too complete. So I deleted it.
I’m curious to see so many other takes on this arrangement of words. See both what words get used most often and how their meanings change from place to place.
Additional information: I wrote the majority of this poem while listening to James Blunt’s album Back to Bedlam. Judge as you will.
Check out everyone else’s responses at Read Write Poem while you’re at it!
Related Posts
- No related posts found.
Well done! And I love the Lorca reference.
The third stanza did me in!
I have that Terry Brooks novel for sometime now. This will propel me to read it soon!
your undoing
Thanks!
Perhaps it is because I just finished Residences on Earth by Neruda, but once I “civil guard” something just kinda clicked between that and Lorca… [shrug] who knows….
And Gautami, I think that whole series is fantastic, and the Genesis of Shannara series is on my list to read (someday) where he bridges that series and Shannara.
yes, the center certainly holds in this piece — well written, and truly engaging…
Thank you, Rob.
Somehow it made me think at one of those cities that were once flourishing and now that the main industry is gone very few stayed behind to continue the cycle of life, but for the ones that stayed life goes on.
That’s interesting, Annamari. That is not, at all, what was in my mind when I wrote this. But I went back with that interpretation in mind and, yeah, I can see it. =)
That is why I love art so much. At least half of it is in the viewing (or reading, or feeling, etc.) rather than in the making.
And, especially with this prompt, it is so cool to see how all of these different voices are taking the same song and singing it a different way. If I wasn’t at work, I’d be toasting everyone’s blogs! (maybe later)
“Someone has posted Lorca’s broadsides / believing both duende and Andalusia are omnipresent.”
I like that. I really do.
The ending in also fantastic, that image of the notebook. Nice form, too: the tercets with a final quatrain.
And also, I like your new template. Have you been changing it around a few times? This one is very clean and approachable.
Dana-
Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks. I think that’s the right number…
This is template #5 for Fallen Verses, though only template 3 while self-hosted. Template 1 was the pink one, which I liked, but I got bored. template 2 lived for about a week, but Christine pointed out that it was really dark, and, while I liked it, was terrible to edit.
So far I like this one, but I’m not sure about the header- I kinda want to find some image for it, but I don’t know what to do there.
Oh, I really liked this! Especially the lines where the child is born.
Reading this was like opening a present. What a wonderful unfolding. Thank you. And I appreciate what you wrote about your process!
I tried to imagine this in the first person and I think you made a good choice with your revision. The imagery is wonderfully surreal. Stanza 3, with its mention of Lorca, brings the whole poem into focus for me.