Read Write Poem #3: Sparkles
Sunday, December 2nd @ 11:25 pm | Poem, Poetry, readwritepoem
Three pieces
Sparkles
Your wedding ring doesn’t shine anymore.
The diamonds have no sparkle;
the white gold has yellowed.
These months in the box,
unseen.
Do you sparkle these days?
Shiny purse, shiny shoes,
honest smile for the clerk
and leaving.
Though cold, the world sparkles.
The moonlight on ice.
Or the sun.
The Polka Dot Witch tried to bewitch us all with a whole “three” thing (very Macbeth, that). It was a very good idea, and you can go here and read other peoples’ responses that are, probably, much, much better.
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I love the ending:
Though cold, the world sparkles.
The moonlight on ice.
Or the sun.
It’s nice how you go from the woman in the poem to the larger world and make this connection between the two with this lovely closing.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’ve got some good connections here (ring to woman to landscape) which I think would make a fine poem with a little polish and maybe switching out some of the descriptors for words a little less common.
I like it all…
:D
I also love the last three lines.
There is lots in this one. “These months in the box,/unseen.” Very telling. I like it.
makes me wonder if we are not just human m&m’s,,, hiding behind our shiny colorful candy coatings…..
very well done…
i think you conveyed the “hiding” very well. and beneath many shining images.
I like it just the way it is. Some of the lines surprised and made me slow down to contemplate them.
I agree with Ceridwen and Jo. You are too critical.
There’s a mystery here – why she left her rings, yet she still shines out in that cold world. Maybe that’s why the world is cold.
Twice divorced and shiny. The last two lines still have me thinking. I think some of us lose our identity in marriage and we mistakenly assume divorce is the loss. I don’t see the world cold because she’s put away her rings. I think she woke up and is shining. I am not sure cold is intended to imply something negative about her. Maybe it’s cold like an ivorgorating cold shower.
Enjoyed the read.
At least it inspired commenting, but I swear I was not fishing. I wasn’t.